Today my wife and I celebrate 20 years of being married, something I am super excited about. But its not the milestone that makes me excited, I’m excited because after 20 years I absolutely love spending time with her, and she is one of the greatest gifts God has given me in my life.
But just because I say that, doesn’t mean that everything has been easy or that it has all come naturally, there are a number of things that have allowed us to be at this place, and so I want to share 5 of these things with you:
- Our marriage is based around the Person of Jesus, and His Word.
This is really the most pivotal point. When I talk with couples who are struggling in their marriage, one of the common things I find is that the centrality of Christ and His Word being the foundation in their marriage is lacking. This results in pride, a need to argue to be correct, instead of trying to love one another and submit to Him.
I am not saying we have always gotten this right, but I can tell you that this man gets cranky when he doesn’t have quiet times for a couple of days and the whole family ends up paying for it. So I know that in order for my marriage to be right, my walk with God needs to be right, and He needs to soften my heart for Jacqui.
- We have made time for each other.
Early on in our marriage we were told by more experienced couples to make sure we continue to date one another after we said “I do”. This is something that Jacqui and I have always done. We were privileged to have family living in the same city who happily baby sat for an hour or so while Jacqui and I would go for a meal or coffee. 20 Years later, there is honestly seldom a week ever whereby Jacqui and I do not have a date.
One day our kids are going to move out of our home, and the only person left will be your spouse, what then? Too many couples lose touch with each other because the busyness of life has overtaken and before you know it, you have drifted apart.
- We have been vulnerable with each other.
I have learnt over the years that the greatest accountability partner and supporter is my wife. But it has meant that I have had to open up my heart and let her in. I have had to make myself vulnerable to her, to let her see when I am struggling, to let her see my struggles and my sin. But it is in those times that I have received encouragement, her strength and when it affect her, her forgiveness. This vulnerability has connected us on a deeper level in every area of our marriage and I believe epitomizes what God wanted when he said of Adam and Eve, that they were both naked and felt no shame.
- My wife is my “helper”, not my servant
Jacqui and I are doing life together. She is on equal terms with me. That is how I see her. Yes, yes, I am the leader of the home, don’t get stressed out. But being a leader doesn’t make you better. When I recognize and value Jacqui as the one God has given me to lead this family with and to walk in our destinies together, then I don’t look down on her. I value her opinion, I want to see her succeed. We are walking through life, hand in hand.
- We have made an effort to communicate with each other.
A little bit of a repeat of what I shared on the dating front, but I have learnt that communication is essential. And sometimes that takes time. Its not over quickly, its not always direct, but its understanding what is being communicated behind the words (talk about complex at times), but it has always been worth it. Its sitting as a family together over dinner, its coffee when I have 30 minutes open. Its late nights on occasions when we need to talk about something. Its hearing each others hearts.
These have been 5 things that have really been of benefit to our marriage over the years. If you are young in marriage then I hope it helps. Let us know which one stands out for you.
If you are older, then I would love to hear what your marriage tips would be, please comment below.
So with that, if you would excuse me, I have an anniversary to celebrate…
(P.S. I did actually write this the day before)
